just visited daniel's blog...
i was quite happy today till i read his post on tuesdae just now...
look...

Variation of Feelings

I have said this before, and I shall say it again.

I'm serious about whatever I say 90% of the time. Therefore, there is nothing particularly wrong in me saying that I want to quit Choir. It is a matter of want, not will. The reason behind it is simply because I'm waaay to scared to confront Ms. Yeo to appeal.

What CCA, you ask? Well, this is an uncomfirmed decision, and thus, I have yet to actually find a CCA that catches my interest. I am afraid, that I have lost all interest whatsoever in both singing and Choir, so there is really no point in me staying. First off, I have to say that the Choir's expectations of my singing standard is far beyond what I am able to meet. What I am saying this that my singing capability has much more to be desired, and since it really can't make it, I have decided that singing is not what I am meant to do.

I remember, in primary school, I was always the worst in Choir. My instructress would ask me to stand up and sing her a particular section of the song, in front of the 80-strong Choir. Obviously, I was extremely frightened, with no confidence, and together with my abysmal singing, what came out of my oral cavity wasn't what one would have like to hear in a room where sound could be reflected with ease. My Choir teacher reprimanded me, and threatened not to let me participate the the upcoming SYF - not that it mattered to me because I never enjoyed Choir sessions then anyway. But I went, and our school clinched a Gold.

Two years passed, and the SYF period was coming again. Our teacher-in-charge was busy arranging the sections and when she came to Wan Ling and I, she told Wan Ling not to stand next to me because my singing was too "soft and cannot be heard" and she "didn't even know what I was singing at all". I felt heartbroken. I never liked Choir but on that day, I particularly hated it. Hated it to the core. I complained to my mother, and she dismissed it as a casual remark. Duh - that's what parents always do when you complain to them about teachers. After the SYF results were released, we attained a Silver.

It was four months later when Graduation Night arrived, but I wasn't feeling sad at all. On the contrary, I was upset. Upset, that my well-deserved award was a small one. While people like Yi Feng and Rosamund, both whom like me, participated in the SYF Central Judging twice, were awarded with a better award. Even Guo Qin, who participated only once, received the better award. I felt sore, I'm a jealous kid. You couldn't imagine how I felt then - a mixture of sadness, anger, annoyance and I felt cheated. I had to smile for the camara.

I felt worse after I learnt that I was posted to Nan Hua High School. After the CCA Extravengaza, I was at a loss of what CCA to join - the choices were relatively limited. I spoken to Yi Feng, and when I told him I wanted to join Dance, he told me that I should join Choir due to experience. So, the choices I put were Choir, Dance, Infocomm and Innovation Club. When the list of short-listed applicants were posted, I realised that I had been chosen to audition for Choir.
On the day of the auditions, I met up with Zi Hui, Ong Xin, Irene, Yi Feng and the ex-choristers, with the exception of Ling Li (who was from Badminton) and Eurona (who decided to join Badminton). After all the others had finished their turns, it was mine. I was nervous at first, but become slightly calmer as the scales progressed higher and higher. I never knew I had such a wide vocal range, perhaps it was a gift. But I didn't see it that way.

My first few sessions in Choir were quite enjoyable, and I familiarized muself with seniors such as Maylynn and Jeanice. For once, I was glad in Choir, but it didn't stay that way.As the SYF was approaching again, Choir was getting increasingly stressful. I had to juggle my schedule, homework, revision and Choir practices. A few weeks before the competition, we were to perform on stage. It was then I realised that being one of the [ then ] three guys was nothing to be proud of. We were ostracized. Ostracized for being in a CCA which in their perspective, was meant for girls ; and gays. Pathetic I thought. Until after assembly, Chi Yien told me how the [ then ] 2/01 guys severly critisized us while we were singing. They made fun of our lyrics, made fun of our expressions, and made fun for being there at all. Such big shots, it disgusts me how they exist. I felt such a strong feeling of hate then. It was then I deeply regretted joining Choir, and constantly wanted to play truent. But I have only done so about three to five times. Guilty, I was, for letting Ms. Yin, and my fellow choristers down. The reason I am staying in Choir, was in fact because I did not want to disappoint Ms. Yin.

And now, here I am, back from the Lunar New Year celebrations rehersals, wondering why I joined Choir in the first place.

I'm sorry I let you choristers down. I'm sorry Ms. Yin. I'm sorry Mdm. Liu, Mdm. Yong and Ms. Chian. I'm sorry Hui Yun, Yu Hao and Charis. I'm sorry seniors. I'm sorry juniors. I'm sorry secondary 2 choristers. I'm sorry Wan Xin, Sherlyn, Li Ting, Ye Shze, Jin Yee, Yi Feng, Wen Xuan, Felicia, Hui Shan, Qiao Ru, Zi Hui, Zi Qing, Ling Li, Carissa, Irene, Ong Xin, Vivian, Si Min and Valerie.

I'm sorry.

WALAO
wad's rong wif him???
why is he saying sorry to everyone from choir???
he did nth...
he is loved...
why is he doing tis???
i was lyk shocked when i saw tis post...
i felt lyk crying lor...
how can he be liddat???
making himself sound lyk he has done sumthing rong when he did nth...
it's nt lyk onli he dislyks choir n wans to quit it...
it's nt lyk he has a bad life in his pri sch choir...
i oso wad...
in pri sch...
i hated choir....
cos it was boring n a wastage of time to me...
n mr quek will always repriman me by saying i sing so lifelessly n i cant sing...
in front of the whole choir...
and eyes will turn to me n ppl who thinks that they are geniuses will start critisising me...
and when mr du came, i sang quite well...
and was selected to becum one of the solos of the choir...
but, i was talked back by ppl who were jealous of my high-pitched voice...
they just keep critisising my singing n think that i was just showing of that i could sing high-pitches easily compared to them just by singing a damn high-pitched song during the audition...
after being selected as a solo, i was critisied by my classmates...
during the rehersal for our prize-giving performance, the mike i was using was rather soft...
my classmates, who were particularly jealous of me, as the membes of their gang wasn't selected as the solo, but me, were critisising me...
saying that i sang very, very softly...
but, hello???
i was partially screaming into the mike okay???
during p6, i dropped out of choir as our sch had a new CCA plan, by arranging all CCAs to be held during sch time...
my two CCAs clashed...
i was dragged to the stupid CCA corred chinese dance...
i wanted to go choir but a grp of ppl went their the other CCa, instead of choir...
so choir couldn't take part in SYF...
so, i have to go bac to the pathetic chinese dance instead of choir...
so, choir was closed down in the year 2007, due to having less than 20 members after the p6'06 left...
then, after i got into nh...
i wanted to join band or harp as i always wished to be able to play instruments...
ever since i quitted piano, i changed totally...
cos i feel different...
i need to learn an instrument to get myself sum life...
if not, i will fell lyk a dead person...
if nt due to my mum reminding me that i have a pathetic choir bacground, i wun have joined choir....
during the audition, i did seriously badly for it...
i tot,'YESH!!! I AM GOING TO BAND!!!'
i was right!!!
i got selected for the band audition the following week...
ms. yeo told me that i have a 50-50 chance for each CCA...
so i tot maybe my dream is cuming true...
BUT, i still got into choir in the end...
afteri got into choir, i told my mum that i din want choir...
she told me that she din insist me on joining choir, she just advised me to join...
i was totally angry!!!
if she just wanted to advise, just shut her mouth lar!!!
i regreted so much...
i was so angry n din wanted to go for the stupid practices...
but, after making frens wif yeshze, jinyee n lingli, i felt that choir was actually quite fun...
another thunderous thing was that i lost my high-pitched voice during the auditon and got into altos...
soon after i got into altos, my high-pitched voice was bac...
but it was TOO LATE...
i ahve gotten into altos n it couldn't be changed...
becos of tis, my voice really is becuming low...
no longer high-pitched...
which will be a total disaster...
i do think that my high-pitched voice is gone now...
i dunno...
stupid...
bc to the topic, daniel really is silly....
we dun blame him for anything...
and he just went saying sorry lyk mad...
D:
sian...
go play audi wif ruiqi liao...
BYE